It is really a good idea to keep your kids behaviors (and anyone for that matter) and choices separate from who they are. Because they are good. It is their choices and behavior that is bad or good.
Kids are not bad and wrong, it is their behavior and ways of being that are not acceptable. And these they can change.
You are not disappointed with them, you are disappointed with their choices, their behaviors and actions. You really want to keep the two distinct and separate.
You want to really make the distinction between your child and your child’s way of being and choices.
When your child does something “bad”. It is not your child that is bad, it is your child’s behavior.
We will often say things like, You are bad, you are naughty, etc. not realizing the impact of calling who they are wrong and bad.
You love ashton, he is not bad and wrong. It is the choices, actions and ways of being that are wrong and bad. And he can change his choices, actions and ways of being.
He cannot (or at least doesn’t know of a way) to change who he is
So when you are punishing him, or telling him what you don’t like. Make sure you are making the distinction between him and his actions.