Sent: Wednesday, December 19, 2007 12:54 AM
To: drj @ bazuji.com
Subject: Question regarding; Forgiveness part 3 - Q & A
Dear Dr. Jamie,
In your Forgiveness part 3 - Q & A page, you wrote about how we make up stories and everything and hence the result is an emotion. So my question is, should we like never make up a story that'll result in an emotion, even if its something good, like love, then eventually to have your heart broken. Wont that be like taking the safe way out by blocking you from trying to feel??
Love is not an emotion.
I wrote about that Here as well.
Needy, clingy, judgmental, those are what usually get passed off as love.
Love is unconditional.
When you require someone to do something, or a certain thing, or be a certain way before you love them, then it is not unconditional love. You will love them upon certain conditions.
I will love you if you _________ is the hidden theme in most peoples “love”
This is not love.
So yes, if we quit making up stories about what is happening, and we just be loving and forgiving (see my article on true forgiveness), then we can be loving without a broken heart later, no matter what happens.
Because we don’t need
If you stay around I will love you.
If you leave me, I will not love you.
Because hurt from someone we love leaving us actually comes from not being loving towards them any more. That is the pain we experience. We stop being loving because we have a “good reason” they don’t “deserve” my love any more.
I wrote about this as well here.
So in not making up stories about what is happening, you avoid the emotions, and can actually experience and be loving.
So yes, I don’t make up stories, I just experience what is. Emotions are not what make us human or real. Emotions are what make us irrational. Emotions are what make us do things we regret later. So I think your life would actually be fuller and happier if you never made up stories to create emotions.