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Be Well
Dr. Jamie Fettig

Why Trust me, Dr. Jamie?


So I recently spent 4 hours talking with a married couple. I realized that not everyone created their common goals together.

Why would you want to do this you ask?

Because it eliminates 90% of all arguments that many married couples, or even couples for that matter, have.

See, lets say one person’s ultimate goal in life is to enjoy life. The other person’s ultimate goal is for peace. So each time there is a choice to be made, they each are comparing the choices through their ultimate goal.

The peace person is saying what choice will bring me more peace?
The enjoyment person I saying what choice will bring me more enjoyment?

Then they precede to argue about which choice is better.
Not realizing that the “better” they are comparing the choices too are too completely different reference points.

Because anytime you say better, more, or any comparative what so ever, you are often comparing it to an “assumed” thing. But the funny part is, we all have different assumed comparisons, and we don’t’ even know it. That is why we argue so much.

When you are around people with the same ultimate goals, you do not argue as much because you are always making comparison’s to the same assumed things. So you agree more often.

But when you realize what your partner in the relationship’s ultimate goal is, you often know what they are always comparing and evaluating things against. So now you can see their perspective of why they think one choice is better than another.

And when you create an ultimate goal together, which is a melding of both or your ultimate goals, you will eliminate 90% of all disagreements you have.

For example, if one of you has peace and the other has enjoyment, then your ultimate mutual goal might be peace and enjoyment. You then begin asking one question and one question only. Does this bring me more peace and enjoyment or less? And that becomes your guiding post for making decisions.

If you want to create a third or 4 th or however many extra goals you want, you can. This is why it is called creating your goals. You then use those goals to make your choices, compare things against, and move your life towards.

And when you do this for a short while, it will become habit and you will have exactly that in your life. The goals you created.

If you want more of what you already have, don’t create common goals. If you want exactly what you want in life, then create goals . It should take more than 30 minutes.

But the effects it will have on your choices and what you do in life, will be profound because it will bring you exactly what you want.


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